Somedays Good, Somedays Bad |
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Call Me: bell Contact:pixbell@hotmail.com Age: 19 Website: Catch a Falling Star Likes: warm sunny spring days, squirrels, voice mail messages, shorts and tank tops, bicycles, angel white wings, mush, yaoi, shoujo-ai. Loves: manga, fiction, reese's peanut butter cups, creativity, laughing, computers, crew cuts, bishounen, bishoujo, angst, swimming, family, friends. Obsession: Japan. Miseries: personal fights, shoes, snobby people, snow in april. Goals in Life: live in Japan, be happy, grow another two feet, talk maturely, be a child always. Odd Random Facts:
Bicycle Accidents This Year:
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The roomate swap didn't work. My roomate is gone, all right, on the other side of the country. So g-san moved all her stuff into my room (was a bit surprised-- her computer and bedding should have been enough, but whatever). But Housing didn't like it. It's just a week long sleepover, basically, demo, yappari.... dame deshita. Oh well. Plenty of time to kill each other next semester.
Before you look at me weird (too late!), I was prepared to fail this test. I hate the course more than anything, and I decided that since that the lowest test grade was being dropped, I would put no effort into it. I didn't the homework and attended only a handful of classes. I ended up with the same grade as my last test-- which I did study for. Hen.
Turns out she a good reason to be leaving. But she found this out five to ten days ago. >_> Um, when were you planning on telling me? Shows you how much we talked to each other this year. She's a sweet girl, and fairly talkative, but we just didn't communicate. Hen, ne. At any rate, my roomate for next year isn't entirely happy with her roomate either, so she'll be crashing with me. yaaaaaaaaaaaay!
Prisoner of the Moutains, it's called. Oh, well. At least tomorrow in class (the last one!) we'll be watching 'Love and Death' by Woody Allen for fun. And even better yet, today I had my last philosophy class. XD
What is love? I can't tell if I've ever been in love, but if I haven't been, I've been close. So this is my experience, past and present. Love is an irrational need to be with someone. Most people you're happy to bump into them, but you start writing down appointment dates for the next time you see them. You go out of your way to those you love. (this form of love applies to everyone, not just romantic). Love-Love is a dependency and freedom at the same time. They show you something new about you, and you run forward with this knowledge. Conquer a bit more of the world. At the same time, they matter. You're constantly turning around to see if they're smiling, if they're happy with you. If they need you, you drop everything to go to them.
*cue in cool synthesizers* *checks blog* That makes this fifth day I've had this song stuck in my head and playing repeatedly in winamp. "I got so desperate I sent a rocket to the mo~~~on." Just wondering how sending a rocket to the moon will get the person's attention. Should invest in a beeper, sweety. I'll get sick of it soon! ^_^ (bell's cure for any obsession: over-exposure) After the MindFuck known as Fight Club, my friends and I went to watch the first few episodes of Slayers. I know most of the story and have seen all but two episodes of Slayers Next, it was amusing to see Zegaldis be portrayed as evil. You just can't take him seriously after seeing him being used as an anchor. ^_^ A friend we've introduced to anime is on her way to become a drooling fan of Rezo just because of the five or so lines he spoke in his introduction. She can't understand more than five words of Japanese, but she knows how to recognize Koyasu Takehito (extreme Touga fan, she is). Can't blame her, she's got good taste. I showed her the 'bet' scene from Tokyo Babylon, but that freaked her out. Can't wait until they release the manga in English. *bares fangs* I'm gonna have fuuuuuun waving vol. 7 in their faces. me: Look! Look! XD Seishirou is a sick twisted freak!
Oh my GOD. The violence would have been enough to blow away my mind, but the story, the theme, it actually had some MEANING. I'm amazed. Whiter collar worker goes postal. Worse than postal. There's something wrong with a society that could imagine a story like that. For half the film I was thinking, "dude, he so wants to jump Tylor." Argh. Typical me. ^_^ I wonder if I could ever do that. I hate society. I want to pull it down. Still do. Fought it every small way I could. But it was small. And now, here, I'm at college, a white sissy pristine conservative college boasting over its liberality while purring at its high grades and prestige. Some revolution, bell. I don't think I'm capable of it. I'm too scared.
Should be Doing: Philosophy Paper
Reality: Procastinating Sukiyaki. Yummy yum yum. Hooray for spontaneous Boston excursions! Plus, a friend got me three boxes of Pocky. Baby, yeah. Discovery of the Day: The Shrine to Fuuma's Frog. For all your froggy needs.
Discovered AIM today. Wasn't planning on addiction, but it happened! I signed up some friends and before I knew it, I didn't want to leave. I just wanted to get an Utena music video, not a new procastination source. Angelfire is making me an unhappy camper. They didn't download a full copy of one of the Wish dramas, and now that I'm desperately trying to get all of it up, the server fails on me. I could write my philosophy paper. That's always been an option. But I think I'll read instead. Because reading is a gift from the Gods and damnit if there's anything better.
Janaki-chaaaaaaaaan, don't you dare start not writting in your blog. Want to make sure you haven't chewed your fingers off in frustration from the band.
>_< No, Kohaku-chan, of course you don't sound like a bat case. I just don't know whether to blame the scriptwriters, Kohaku, or my translation. All three?
Atwood's 'Blind Assasin' was returned to the library! XD I'm glad the irritating faculty member didn't wait until 2002 to return it, as her/his due date allowed. Will run to the library tomorrow, first thing. And, and, and, and...! Val linked me in her blog. And she called my site cute. *floats happily* Playing: Caetano Veloso's "Cajuina". Looooong history with this song. My siblings and I would watch this video of a woman wearing a sexy cat suit, in a cage surrounded by bubbles, singing this song. It put us right to sleep. My friends will tell you I have the patriotism the size of a water drop (the way I remember the tune of our national anthem is through fake lyrics which translate to something terrible) but this song is one of the things I'm proud of. Along with soccer. ^_^
"Sure!" And now I have 'Bondage Fairy' to add to my collection. XD This should be interesting.
(The scariest techno song ever, hands down, is the german version "Rubber Ducky, You're the One." Anything that makes a Sesame Street EVIL has no competition.) (Speaking of German, the ducks here are Jewish! One night while throwing random words at them for then minutes or so, I exclaimed, 'Mein Kampf!' They left in a huff.)
DAMNIT! How long does a song stay stuck in a head? Or mine, in particular? :P Techno is my thing, but it doesn't I have to get the lyrics stuck in my head for all time (including, 'boom boom boom! I want you in my room!' XD). On a seperate note, the sweetest thing is a cute and well-laid To-ya/Yuki site. About time they get a cute page. :) Though I will disagree about how she trivializes Sakura's role in both their lives. I do find it annoying how much the world seems to revolve around Sakura, but she was much more important to their relationship than simply being the Card Mistress. I'd bet a fair wager that Yukito loves Sakura almost as much as he loves Touya. And Touya adores her (though he will stuff your face with pancakes if you try to tell him that ^_^). I do think if they thought Sakura couldn't deal with them being together (ie, her heart break was too big to see the guy she loved making lovey-dovey faces at her brother), it might have broken them up. Because everyone and their pet squirrel (don't you have one? I'll send one, my campus is infected) wishes only for Sakura's happiness. Here's a question... why did Touya introduce Yukito to Sakura, but not Kaho? Maybe b/c being friends with someone isn't as odd as having your teacher as your girlfriend.
Love how I'm a different person in dreams. :P
But after watching ep. 60 I couldn't agree more. >_< Sana-chaaaaaaaaaaaaan! Communication! Honesty! More communication! They're all good things, I tell you! Hayama no baka, doushite shinjitsu o motto hayaku iwanakatta yo? (By the way, anyone who tells me any spoilers will be cutt to death with my toenail collection)
Janaki-san, sugoi yo. You're willing to spend so much on buying verbatim copies of anime lds/dvds/vhs. I'm so cheap. My excuse is that I must be supporting half the anime industry with all the merchendise (cards, posters, etc) and books I buy (art books and manga). I've said it once, and I'll say it again: Russians loooooove horses. Watch 'Comissar,' 'Alexander's Childhood,' 'Andrei Rublev,' and 'Slave of Love' as proof. Every single damned Russian film I've seen this semester has had horses. *Every* single *one* (well, I'm stretching it a bit in 'A Window to Paris,' but I maintain that the artist's four-legged art piece is symbollic of a horse). 6 decades of film-- that's a pretty good track record, people.
I think more disturbing than that, though, is the fact that I kept going on. I was on my bike at the time, weaving between people and cars. I thought I'd finally cleared all the obstacles when I saw a car moving towards me. We bumped, I gave a short yell, and cycled the hell away. I was already late for Japanese class, and didn't want to be any later. When I think about it, that's so like me. Damnit, I should have checked the bastard's license plate. A witness told me she thinks the driver was the one male student of our college; either way, I'm keeping my eyes out for evil bastard black cars. They didn't even check if I was okay.
New music makes me happy. Clears my mind, maybe? Warning: mild, lazy, pointless ramblings ahead. Just clearing my mind. I enjoy having this blog. It's been seven months since I last wrote in a journal regularly. I forbade myself to write any more entries when I came to college; my writtings always made me so embarassed when I read them afterwards. My emotions run rampant, you see. >_< But because I know that anyone and everyone could see what I've written here (not that they will, but the posibility always exists), it curtails me from writing anything drastic/dramatic (perhaps for my own mental and emotional health I should write those thoughts as well-- elsewhere-- but I can't bring myself to do it, yet). So I get to write often, sillily (I love made up conjugations and words), and vent. Plus, it's delightfully easily to edit this thing. I wonder, what will I do in Japan? I'll go to Sunshine 60, Tokyo Tower, Ueno Park, Oosaka, Kyoto, Hokkaido, little rural unknown fish villages (do those still exist? *sweatdrop*). Heh. Playing the Southern All Stars' 'Ai no Kotodama.' Senior year, September? Late night. Friend and I got drunk (well, tipsy, because I've never been drunk in my life), listened to this song all night. Four months later we were no longer talking to each other. Wonder what she's doing? Melancholy mood. Don't wanna go to bed. When I do, it'll be tomorrow. Next week will begin. And next week is evil. It's the start of finals. Well, no finals per say, but an exam and an essay. Didn't work this weekend. Couldn't summon the effort. Need a topic, anyway. Can't write philosophical papers on the nature of dreams without a point to argue over. Inspiration will descend upon me in the form of light and trumpts. Later. Watched Simpsons tonight. Woohoo, second time this week (must make up for lost time)! The episode parrodied Run, Lola, Run. The piece about Homer losing his thumb was highly disturbing (squick). Think the whole thing could have been executed better. But I enjoyed the creativity of this episode. Especially laughed at when Lisa was running ala Lola. Also reminded me of nightmares. Those evil ones where one runs, always with an important task, but constantly being interupted. In fact, when I think about it, I had a nightmare once where I had my brother's disembodied hand. I spent the rest of the dream looking for him, but always getting side tracked. Downloaded Graviation today (albeit subtitled-less). Looking forward for when I get to watch it. I have a predilection for bright, clear-cut, cheerful colors. One needs only look at the flip-flops I wear day in day out (bright orange) to realize this. My future roomate says yesterday I experienced vertigo. Vertigo is fear of heights, deshou? I'm not scared of heights, I rather like them (although like Sana-chan, I hate falling from them ^_^). And I've got bruises. Badge of the brave? ^_^
I've never considered slapping sexuality labels on Clamp characters (they fall in love, not in lust!); how can you? Kamui loves/loved Kotori, but I'll laugh at anyone who denies that he's attracted to Subaru. Syaoran was falling all over Yukito, but eventually turns to Sakura. Touya was in love with Kaho, but also loves Yukito. In other words, Clamp characters usually show attraction/love to others of any of the three sexes (male, female, non-gendered). So where does that leave Tomoyo? She does blush over Touya a couple of times, but she spends the entire series obsessing over one character. Insists that Sakura wear hand-maid outfits made by her. Demands that Sakura be filmed wearing these outfits. Swoons over Sakura's smiling face. Concocts plans to hook Sakura up with a suitable male. Has told Sakura, "I love you in a slightly different way-- I'll explain it to you when you're older," "For me to be happy, all I need is your smile," "I'd be delighted if the one I loved [Sakura] loved me back, but as long as [she's] happy, so am I." *shakes head* I can't believe anyone could know about Tomoyo (not Madison, Tomoyo) and not know about her Sakura-fanaticsm. Can't believe anyone could be exposed to Clamp and not be aware of yaoi/yuri in their series. >_<
Today there was a carnival on campus. So I went; ate ice cream, jumped in the bouncy-cushion house, rode on the spinning swings, played with my friends. I had to go early (went to a concert by Ken Ueno), but before I could let myself go, I *had* to go on one ride. The whole time I'd been there, it beckoned to me. "Come on, bell" it said, "You know you want to. The ride in question was rather simple; you were strapped onto the side of a hoop (spread eagle). This hoop was connected to two outer hoops, so that the person inside could be turned at all angles at inhuman speeds. So, I went on it. If there's one thing I hate, it's being a coward. And I wouldn't have started screaming "STOOOOP!" if I didn't feel as if I was about to fall out. :P I got off (tore a hole into my precious shorts in the process) smiling and joking. And went to the concert. The panic hit me an hour later. Despite the fact that I was sitting in a chair very firmly connected to the ground, I still felt as though I was in danger of falling head-first. I even thought for a bit that I was being dellusional, and that I was still at the carnival, lying unconscious on the grass. I'm fine now, but that was scary. Post Note: I think I've come to understand something from this incident; it's unimaginably important to talk about something after it's happened. Many years ago-- as a fifth grader-- I was in a car accident. I blabbered about it with a friend who was in the car with me for the next hour. And I've never thought about it much, afterwards (amusingly enough, this friend now goes to the same college as I, though I've only bumped into her twice). But this time, when I got off, the friend who was with me didn't mention anything. I was longing to talk about it; I started, but she didn't reply much. So I switched subject. I think that's why the experience came back to haunt me; because I didn't get a chance to vent it out of my system. :P
A [picks up a manga]: Females, right?
"Oh, no," I said to myself, "of course I won't buy anything at Sasuga. Not only can I not afford it, but there's no way you're going to be able to lug back all the books you already have." That is what I said. Yet I walked out with three artbooks (Yami no Matsuei x2, Angel Sanctuary x 1), and nearly bought one for a series I haven't even read yet (DN Angel). -_- My justification was, "these are rare!" And then I went a book called "Adult Manga" at Harvard Bookstore. I love how i try to justify my hobbies academically. No, really, I'm just a drooling fan girl. I just pretend to be smart about it. >_<
Is there a sweeter day? I love fridays. Saturdays are cool, and Sundays are a bit depressing, but Fridays rock my world. For some reason, I love the very beginning of a vacation/holiday: it's the air of promise that permeates my mood. An odd fact: for a year or so, one of my schools had classes from Sunday to Thursay, and Friday and Saturday were the days off. It felt *so* wrong. I'm glad they changed it the next year. Going into Boston today. *hugs self* For the past week my Japanese class has been tantalized with images and descriptions of food (it's the food chapter). It's depressing to hear about sukiyaki and tempura when you know that when you leave class, you'll be eating brocoli and milk because you just can't trust what's in those cafteria enchiladas. >_< So, yeah, yeah! Gonna go to Porter Square, get miso soup, ramen, chicken teriyaki, pad thai (shuttup about that being Thai), green tea ice cream with red bean paste, and gyooooza! I just wish my tummy was large enough to fit all that. *sigh* Wonder if Sasuga has any good new books? I half hope not, I can't afford to buy anything more, and worse than that, I have to lug back home all that I already have.
I like to consider myself a writer, so this block disapointed me. The other day, I was thinking about my high school days (I sound so old, but really, it happened about six months ago). About some of the people I used to know. And, since I was particularly miserable at the time, my reflections weren't bright and cheerful. I wrote some manifestos about them. And moped a bit. Later that same day, I opened up a word program again. Wrote a setence. There was another phrase begging to follow, so I wrote that, too. And before I knew it, I was busily typing away, and wrote more than I have since last summer. Conclusion? I need to be depressed to write. @_@;;; College isn't an orgasmic thrill a minute, but it is pleasant and I am happy here. And that's having a negative impact on my writting. I love irony. ^_^
Meanwhile, you can enjoy these pretty pictures instead: CCS Fanart Links Haven't explored most of these yet. Good CCS fanart here. Includes stuff with Eriol, Yue, and Touya (sadly enough, though, not together).
I've been struggling with episode 58 and 59 for so long, I jumped over to ep. 60, because it looked interesting. And it was; I love Meiling overall, but she really shines here. The last scene, where Meiling is bawling in Tomoyo's lap, is by far the saddest part of ccs. And it was pretty easy to understand, too. An episode usually takes me a week to do, working on it sporadically (lack of motivation, I guess). But I finished this one in less than two hours. Nothing like angst as inspiration...?
Possibility #1: The person who contributed money for this place-- ie, Knapp-- decided that instead of a big photograph or painting put here in honor of wealth, wanted a more down-to-earth representation of herself. And she decided upon a plush monkey. Possibility #3: It's actually a Russian spy. Possibility #4: It's not really a plush monkey. That's just what my eyes say. What it really is, is my mother's head, and I'm in some serious denial and have disturbingly bad psychological problems. Possibility #5: The monkey was assimilated over time. It started with a piece of cloth that was ripped off a coat. Somebody then proceeded to drop hair on it. And so it went, until the monkey became what it is. The process must have taken several millenia. Possibility #6: The monkey is there, but I'm not. I'm actually in my bed, dreaming, and pretty soon all my teeth will fall out, because that's what happens in all my dreams. Then I will be very happy to wake up out of it, only to have to get out of bed. Possibility #7: It's secretly the college mascot. They're trying it out to see how we like it. If it's not deemed a success, next semester we'll be finding the knapp hippopatamus in its place. Possibility #8: It's a member of malice mizer in very convincing costume. I wish they'd wear something sexier.
Guess who gets to go to Japan for a whole year? ^_____^ Nihon Josei Daigaku (Japanese Women's University), Here I come!
Who directed this, anyway? It's so bad. >_< The reactions to important revelations is off beat, the music is dramatic to the point it's funny, and the pace is completely rushed. Hisoka's voice confuses me... everytime he opens his mouth, I think 'Megumi Ogata' (of Evangelion, Sailor Moon, and Yuu Yuu Hakashou fame)! But it's not her, just a good imitator. I'm pretty good at identifying Megumi Ogata. I've already seen three series, and pick her out without knowing any of the voice actors. The subber is amusing, too... at one point Tsuzuki refers to Muraki as a 'hentai yarou.' An apt description if I've ever heard one; it means something like 'sick, deprived freak.' The subtitles present it as 'psycho.' I guess he figured the viewer was tramatized enough by that point.
I was going out to a formal event yesterday, so I put on a mildly short dress. And to get to this event, I needed to ride my bike. Hope the campus didn't mind getting flashed by me. ;) FINALLY! YES! >_< I got access to Yami no Matsuei ep. 3. *blabbers incoherently* Animation is terrible, characters have no dimension, never comparable to the manga... but.I.have.to.see.the.rest.
Just saw the first bee of the year. I love spring. I love the hints of leaves, I love the flowers, I love the water where the snow used to be, I love the warmth. I love the spiders, the ladybuys, and can even deal with the flying ants. But it's the bees, the beeees..... >_<
Or am I insane? *whines* But the movie is called Adolescence of Utena...
Do the colors hurt your eyes? I played around randomly with the colors, and I finally got this. I think it's cute (just like every else I do, damnit. Should get used to it).
*drops in a stoned state from the nervousness* Two people to get to go. One is guaranteed to go. Which leaves me a 50% chance. Ohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease I wanna go. Wanna make a fool of myself to Japanese students my age. :) Got to meet an alumnae who went into space. *swoons* She was so cool, collected, mature, and intelligent. Straight back and unwavering voice. Maybe, just maybe, I'll be like that someday. I just don't hope I don't have to go through five years of military training. I think I'd be willing to go through the training, if it weren't for the military. Which gives rise to two major problems: 1) I'm not American, and
Here are the people who used my ccs mov.2 script for a fansub. Hope it's coming out okay...
April 02, 2001,
Yes, that was pointless. >_< |
